One Year Into The Unknown: Next please!

Hello and welcome to the newest edition of my blog.

I the last few days I have made my way all the way from Cairns down to Hervey Beach. That's 1193km in just under 6 days. You might think me a fool or just wonder why I did it in such a short time. Well there are multiple reasons and I think you will be interested to hear them. IT'S RANT TIME! And oh boy is it a long one.. I hope you have some time on your hand!

So hey Simon, how is the weather over there? Getting sunburned already? How tan are you now? Sick of the sun already? Well matter of fact I did get a pretty bad sunburn but that was about the only day that was sunny in the last 7 days. Yes you heard me right. The east coast seems to be all about rain at the moment. From what I heard it hasn't been this rainy (in November) for many years. Too bad then that most activities here are outdoors, which brings me nicely to my next complaint.

Want to go snorkeling? That's just one million Dollars please. How about diving sir? Or maybe a 2 night / 2 days sailing trip with shitty food and nothing to do than stare at the sea and wish you would have spent your money otherwise? We'll make a special price for you sir, that's just a one hundred million dollars. Want to see some crocodiles or take a picture with you hugging a scared and confused Koala? We have an ultra special price today, just for you, we just want you first born child for that. Thank you very much, next please.

You might think I might be exaggerating well maybe a little bit BUT everything here cost's a lot. LIKE REALLY A LOT. Worst thing? You can't really do anything by yourself. Most places that (according to the guidebooks) are worth seeing, are not reachable by yourself. So you you will have to book at tour. And to my wonder everybody actually does it. You might think Backpackers are on a tight budget. They allow themselves nothing, have bread or rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner, drink the cheapest booze (so bad you have to slap it before you drink it) but when it comes to booking a tour they throw the money out the window. I have to admit, even I am part of this craze. Today I just booked a 1 day tour to Fraser Island. I am very excited about it cause according to everybody I meet here, it's an absolute most-see thing. What did that run me? Just a cool 180$. Now I don't know about you guys but I can't figure out the math here. They drive me around in an old Bus all day, offer me lunch, morning and afternoon tea and, oh gosh, I also get free snorkeling and kayaking (with gear they had for about 10000 years). To me that sounds like I am going to cost them about 30$ at the very most. Nice profit in that! But wait, there is more!

If the weather is going to be too bad and you won't see Nemo cause the sea is too rough and you fight against the waves to not drown instead of enjoying the reef, they usually won't tell you. I met a guy on the Greyhound Bus on the way from Airlie Beach to Hervey Bay. He told me an amusing story. Last week he went on a boat trip around the Whitsundays (which seems to be the best thing since the invention of the orgasm). The waves were around 4 – 6 meters high, they sky cloudy and the rain so bad that they were all soaked to the bones. Of the 36 guests on board, 32 got seasick. They ran out of barf bags by 1 pm (the tour lasting until 4 pm). That average must be higher than the world famous Nasa “Vomit Comet”. Wow that sure sounds like a lot of fun. I don't know what these people paid to feel shitty for a day but from what I gather it must have been at least 150$.

Are you done yet Simon? Nooooooo I am just getting warm here. I don't feel like spending a gazillion dollars today, so again, I am doomed to do nothing in a boring little town and I have plenty of time to tell you guys some more!

I was talking about the the Greyhound Bus just a few lines up. I don't have an issue with the bus itself (well it would be nice to be allowed to eat and drink on the bus if your going to be stuck on it for 12hours, but so what). There is a very nice observation you can make once you hop on the bus. Now remember, this is the main public transport up and down the Australian east coast. The buses are usually at least ¾ full and 99.5% of the people on board are Backpackers. Sometimes it really feels like Cairns – Sydney is one big Club Med for backpackers. I long for the days when I found myself in some unknown city in Japan or Korea and no other tourist, let alone backpacker for 100km. But it gets worse. I swear at least 70% of the backpackers are German. It feels like Germany must be empty. Has anybody actually checked if there is still somebody there?

Now don't get me wrong, I like the Germans and it's cool to be able to speak German again after a long while of just English or whatever I pretended was the local language. But for the love of god, I would like to meet people from all over the world and not “just” another guy/girl from Germany. And oh yeah, if they are not German they are English!

These Backpackers are a weird bunch too. Most of them come here on a working holiday visa. Sounds like a good Idea to me. Surf all day, work in a Bar at night and get laid by some random chick at the end of the night, very tempting indeed! The thing is, all the good, more or less easy jobs are taken by pretty girls. So what is there left for the average Backpacker? Working on a farm for instance, or working in construction is another popular choice. Does working for 8h – 12h in the blazing sun or bone soaking rain sound like fun to you? Sure doesn't to me. I really wonder why they don't just stay at home for a year longer before they visit Australia and save up more money at a much more comfortable job, that usually pays way better than what they get over here.

In my dorm at the hostel in Cairns there were 3 guys staying with me. I swear I never saw them during the day. When I went to bed though, 2 were very sound asleep cause they had an exhausting day at work and needed to get up early again next day and the third one just got ready to do the night shift (midnight – 4 am) of washing dishes at the popular bar. That much fun guys? Really? I know it sounds a bit cocky because I have to admit I seem to have a tiny bit more on the side than the average Backpacker (I am also at least 5 years older than the average backpacker), but then again, why won't you just save up a bit longer and then just enjoy your stay in Australia? Seriously, I don't get it!

And then you turn around and go fuck with my head. Everybody is on a tight budget and nobody has any money to spare but everybody and I mean EVERYBODY wants to go Sydney for new year. Yeah at first this sounds like a great Idea. I get it, because it's the first major city in the world that welcomes the new year, we always see these beautiful pictures of the fireworks over the Harbour bridge. And it seems it's THE place to be for new year while your staying in Australia. BUT DUDE, have you checked the prices? Well, assuming you'll be so lucky to still find a place this time of the year. I thought about going there when I planned my trip early this year and even then there were like 2 rooms left for way way way to much money AND on top of that you can't just book 2 or 3 nights... nooooooo sir.. if they milk you here, the do it properly. In most cases you have to book around 10 days!

Hey I could go on about the world famous Goon or drinking games or at least another 10 topics, but you probably haven't even read this far.

So there you have it, essentially the Australian east coast is an expensive, boring, always rainy Disney land for backpackers and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else! I'm having a great time and I recommend everybody to come and see for themselves. Just make sure you bring enough money!

Due to heavy rainfall there are not many pics since the last post but I do have a few. Consider them your reward for reading all that.